Attack of the Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies

Sorry for the long title. I've gone through an ordeal and have decided to best way to keep from panicking is to make jokes. Even in the face of kidnapping or death.

So: the Jester. This guy. Put forth a riddle that pointed to my blog. Great. I've got his attention.

A little too much of his attention, actually, because this morning I was attacked.

I was getting my morning Starbucks fix and thinking about whether or not to keep going to the police - they obviously didn't believe this Jester thing was worth looking into - when I saw them. There were four of them, men, wearing raggedy brown suits. The way they walked, however, was...unnatural. Every step was different, not coordinated like a normal person walks (with arms that swing back and forth), but like each was moving independently of the rest.

They stopped beside my car. I walked outside, holding my coffee, and they all looked at me with strange smiles. Then they spoke in this weird broken cadence. "Hello from our friend the Jester," the first one said. "He sent us out to pester," the second one said. "So you can match your wits," said the third one. "With ourselves, the Misfits!"

Their voices sounded strange and mechanical. The first one jumped onto my car, while the second and third walked towards me. I backed away. I said, "Where's Derek? Where is he?"

The first one, on the roof of my car, said, "A good man is hard to find. Especially when we are entwined." The other two came closer, while the fourth just stayed where he was.

I am not stupid. There was no way for me to fight these guys. Even looking at them freaked me out. It was then that I thanked god I wore sneakers, because I ran like hell. One of them swung their arm at me, but he was moving slowly like the rest, so I ducked it and continued running.

I know I should have just continued running, never looking backward, but I did. I looked backward. They were still there, standing in front of my car. They weren't even attempting to chase me.

They waved as I ran.